[Support] I found out yesterday that my fiance and I are related. He’s known for year.
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
I don’t know what to do. I’m terrified. Even writing this has sent me into a panic attack and I’ve needed to take two xanaxes to get through it.
But here we go.
I’ve been with my amazing fiance for two years now. We met through a tabletop roleplay group and had an instant connection. There was chemistry between both us and our characters and, as the campaign came to a close, he asked me out.
It was a big deal for both of us. We’re both nerds — as you can tell — and our social circles are pretty small. Both of us have trouble getting out there and socializing. We’re more the type to keep our heads down. It was only my second serious relationship and his first. After a year of dating, we got engaged. We finally moved in with one another a month ago and our wedding is in six weeks. Beyond the normal little domestic naggings, things have been perfect. He’s my soulmate. I don’t know what I’d do without him.
Our families are both really small. My father was never involved in my life and never was his family. I was raised by a single mother and her parents. It was dysfunctional; but not as bad as it could have been. No one got molested or anything. There was just a lot of fighting on top of the absentee dad stuff.
My fiance’s family was the complete opposite. They’re pretty much perfect. His mom and dad are great and the most giving people I know. His sister has become one of my dearest friends. They even sit down with eachother for Sunday dinners. Who does that? I’ve always been in awe of them.
I always thought they were perfect, so it came as a shock to me that – while working on wedding invitations – my future MIL mentioned that my fiance’s dad is actually his stepdad. I asked to see a picture of his real dad and I nearly passed out when my MIL showed my a pic of my dad.
I don’t know how I kept from screaming and stayed conscious. I excused myself from the room and promptly threw up. I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m pregnant now; which is just a whole other can of worms unleashed.
I got home and confronted my fiance about it. I was crying. I was screaming. He just sat there, fidgeting. Eventually, he admitted that he’s known for a year but didn’t want to lose me. Since we always planned to be childfree, he didn’t see the problem with just keeping it from me.
I’m betrayed. I’m disgusted. I’m hurt. I’m ashamed. I’m heartbroken. I don’t know what to do. I’ve invested so much money into this wedding and much of it is non-refundable. On top of that, I don’t know how I’m going to explain this to my family and friends. Worse yet, I love him. I know we can’t be together; but until yesterday, I thought we’d grow old together.
What do I do? What the fuck do I do?
tl;dr: Met and got engaged to fellow nerd. Turns out we accidentally pulled a Lannister. I’m in the midst of a nervous breakdown. My life is ruined and my heart is broken.
EDIT: This is blowing up and, quite frankly, it has me real nervous. But you all have been so kind with your advice. I felt you deserved an update.
For one, my fiance (let’s call him Jaime) stayed at his parents’ last night. They have no clue what’s going on. I think he may have just told him I’m on my period and need some space — which sounds dramatic, but if you’d ever met me while I’m PMSing, you’d understand.
I’m still not sure what to do. I have some many conflicting emotions. Just when I feel like I’m starting to come to some sort of epiphany, it’s like someone drops a boulder on my head. I’m being crushed under this weight and I don’t know if I’ll ever manage to crawl out from under it. I still can’t believe this is real. I keep hoping he’ll call me and tell me it’s a joke.
As a side note — I gotta say. The majority of you seem to be totally cool with the idea of brother-sister incest. I know the internet is kind of a depraved place; but I wasn’t expecting that AT ALL. Unfortunately, I don’t think that same attitude would be mirrored in the offline world. And, even if it was, I’m not sure I can go through life as the girl who fucked and married her brother.
I’m just very conflicted and torn right now. I’m going to lay down for a nap since I’ve been up well over twenty-four hours at this point. When I wake up, I may give my bio!dad a call for the first time in ten years. We need to talk.
EDIT 2: I still have yet to take that nap. I’ve been trying to keep up with the responses and reply to people; but this has officially become way too big. I’m going to take another shot at getting some sleep and, when I get it, I’ll call my bio!dad and figure out what I want to do. I may end up deleting this thread, though. This is really too much. You guys are amazing and so incredibly kind; but I never expected it to get this big. I’m also so tired that I’m bordering on becoming delirious. need rest. now. Zzzz -_-
NEVER TAKE ADVICE FROM REDDIT.
I learned that today. I’ll update as soon as things calm down here.
EDIT 3: WELP. Things kind of suck worse than ever. Because the vast majority of you were so supportive, we decided to tell his mom and stepdad. It went horribly. They disowned him and cut him off; which is a huge fucking problem since they were paying for a portion of our apartment.
The way they reacted was just a taste of how we feel others will respond, so we’ve decided to break up. However, before we cancel our wedding plans outright, we are going to speak to our father and take a DNA test. Thank you to everyone for their support and kindness … I just wish things had had a more positive end. This entire situation is just FUCKED.
I need another nap.”
What would you do if this happened to you?
Sound off in the comments below…